One of the most important relationships I have is with my vibrator. Not what you were expecting to read? It is funny, but it is true! My favorite vibrator holds a very special place in my heart. It is more than a sex toy. It is a tool I use to cultivate a deep and pleasurable connection with my body. While I enjoy my hand, my other toys and my partners — no one makes me orgasm more than my vibrator. Vibrators are a gift to womxn and vagina-owning people, which encourage and prioritize their pleasure. They revolutionized the sex industry, making sex more inclusive and accessible. To celebrate them, I interviewed three women about their relationships and experiences with their vibrators.
Names were changed to protect privacy.
Monica, 30. Los Angeles, CA.
When were you first introduced to a vibrator?
Funny enough, my mom awkwardly tried to introduce me to vibrators as soon as I was interested in boys! She was like, “honestly, they (boys) can be disappointing at this age (I was a teenager), you’re better off masturbating!” But sadly, I didn’t give it a try until college. My life has never been the same — it was the first time I orgasmed.
What is your relationship with your vibrator now?
We’re like weekend lovers! There was a point I would see her like multiple times a day, but I soon realized I might not be super horny, [just] needed the dopamine release.
Have you ever used your vibrator with your partner?
Yes! Especially when we don’t have a lot of time to get me there. I’ve had partners before who we’re not open to using one, and I often ended up unsatisfied. But with my current partner, I feel as though that openness to use one is what works for me. It has made our connection greater inside and outside of the bedroom.
What pleasure do you derive from your vibrator?
Quick and reliable pleasure when I’m with a partner or masturbating. I’ve even had more powerful pleasure experiences using my vibrator to manifest and picture things or timelines I would like to materialize! I use masturbation manifestation as a tool to bring my artistic endeavors and career goals to life. I also have sexual fantasies, but sometimes I really enjoy getting off to my own success. Oddly, the most powerful orgasms I’ve had though, are by myself with my hands. It takes longer — but it’s worth it.
Do you have any personal tips for using a vibrator?
I think they have some stigma — that you lose some sensations — but in my experience, they’ve always been a doorway to more pleasure! Also, if you have a partner who’s not willing to try what works for you, explain to them that your need for it has nothing to do with them. If they’re not willing to work with you, let them go!
It has encouraged me to take time for myself and discover what sort of touching and stimulation feels best for me.
Sasha, 26. Brooklyn, NY.
When were you first introduced to a vibrator?
I was first introduced to a vibrator when I was around 15 or 16. My two friends and I came into the city to walk around SoHo and do some shopping and found ourselves in Babeland. Seeing all the different styles of vibrators made me realize there are so many ways to experience pleasure. I immediately went searching for more information on the internet when I got home.
What vibrator do you use?
The Empress from Vush, marketed as a clitoral stimulator, but along with the sucking effect, it definitely vibrates as well. I had read about it on a few lists and then one day got an ad on Instagram for it with a huge discount code, so I figured I would try it and ordered it. It’s definitely the best for me because I love the smooth silicon material and the variety in the eight levels of suction it has.
How has your vibrator influenced your sexuality?
I can masturbate without any vibrator, but something about the orgasms I have with a vibrator is so much more powerful. My vibrator gives me the ability to pace myself on my way to an orgasm. When I’m using it by myself, I have total control over how long I want to play before climaxing. It has encouraged me to take time for myself and also discover what sort of touching and stimulation feels best for me.
Have you ever used your vibrator with your partner?
I have used vibrators with partners in the past. It is still a conversation with my current partner, whether we want to introduce it along with our current favorite toy: a butt plug. In my experience, some partners get intimidated by a vibrator with a shaft and less so with a clitoral stimulator. For me, it enhances sex play because it makes me feel ensured that I will have an orgasm.
Do you have any personal tips for using a vibrator?
I always have a more pleasurable experience when lube is involved. I also find it very helpful to focus on my breath. Sometimes I get so focused on how my clitoris is reacting to the pleasure that I forget to breathe, and then realize I am holding my breath. Once I catch myself doing that and remind myself to breathe deep, even breaths, I feel even better than I already did.
Lauren, 23. Austin, TX.
When were you first introduced to a vibrator?
I identify as lesbian and had watched lesbian porn often, so I was fairly familiar with vibrators, but I bought my first one when I turned 22! I don’t know what took me so long. I think I was worried about spending a little bit of money on myself because, at the time, I wasn’t used to investing in myself.
What vibrator do you use? How did you find it?
Right now, I use the Aria Vibrance! I got it from Blush Novelties because I had seen a lot of the sex educators I follow recommend the company. I love it because it’s small enough to use with a partner but super powerful. Plus, it’s cordless and has a long battery life, making it perfect for traveling.
When do you use your vibrator?
Usually about four to five times a week. More if I’m feeling depressed or anxious. I use it almost always (90 percent of the time) during partner sex. I have a fantastic partner who actually encourages me to get toys.
How has your vibrator influenced your sexuality?
It’s helped me connect with myself. The relationship I have with my vibrator has helped me feel more stable by myself. It’s helped me regulate my emotions when medicine fails, by stimulating that lil’ extra bit of dopamine.
Do you have any personal tips for using a vibrator?
Make sure you always have spare batteries (or put it on the charger often!), wash them after using them, and always use water-based lube because some types of lube can degrade silicone toys.
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