There’s only so much research you can do to get ready to become a first-time mom. It’s possible that preparing for the newborn phase — as cute as it may be — is more than even Google can handle explaining. Between feeding your tiny human, experiencing postpartum depression, managing a healthy relationship with your partner, and navigating the in-laws, all while being totally sleep deprived, there are so many challenges that come with transitioning into your new role. You can sift through parenting article after parenting article, but there’s so much only real-life experiences can teach you. But since your first-hand learnings may still be months away, we polled six moms for the things they wish they knew before birthing their first child. Sure, there are still some things you’ll need to learn on your own, but trust us, these first-time mamas will make you feel so much more ready to embark on your own journey.
Every Mom’s Experience Is Unique
“Some of the things I thought would be easy are difficult for me, and vice versa. There’s no handbook to tell you whether you’ll love breastfeeding or hate it, or whether you’ll be sleep-deprived for months or luck out with a baby who sleeps through the night. None of this makes you a good or bad mom, nor does it mean that you have a good or bad baby. You’re on your own journey, and that’s okay.” — Ayana Lage, Blogger.
Have Your Bags Packed Earlier Than You Think
“I wish I would’ve known that you should pack your hospital bag at least a month early. I had a scheduled C-section and was confident that my baby wouldn’t come until her due date, but she surprised us all when she decided to make her debut two weeks early. Don’t make the same mistake as me and have to pack your bag frantically after your water breaks.” —Sara Tan, Refinery 29 Beauty Director and Co-Host of Gloss Angeles Podcast
A Birthing Plan Is Important, But Don’t Forget A Newborn Plan
“I wish I had a little more preparation for postpartum life and caring for a newborn. I felt super prepared and informed about childbirth, but the postpartum experience was rough and shocking. Had I known, I would have hired a postpartum doula to help with the transition. I had to stay in bed for five days post-birth while my husband took care of the baby and me on his own. It was too much to ask of one person, and our house and sleep suffered. I also had baby blues and was emotionally a wreck. Having someone there who could take some of the slack and ease the transition would have been so nice.” —Justine Marjan, Celebrity Hairstylist
Spending Time With Other Newborns Can Be Enlightening
“[Before birthing my own] I hadn’t spent much time around infants and had no idea how to care for a newborn. There were so many small details we figured out in the weeks after childbirth, like making sure they wear mittens so they don’t scratch their face, that you burp them every time after they eat, how to prevent gas, and so much more.” — Justine Marjan
Don’t Always Take Unsolicited Advice To Heart
“Trust your gut….always! You are figuring things out as you go and you will receive a ton of unsolicited advice. But at the end of the day, you will know your baby best. That connection is irreplaceable, you’ll be surprised how much you already know.” — Madeline Torres, Influencer
Breastfeeding Doesn’t Just Pose Physical Challenges
“I knew it would take a physical toll, but I wish I had prepared a bit more for the emotional rollercoaster ride that comes with breastfeeding. Off the top, I didn’t enjoy it. For the first 72 hours of his life, my son constantly wanted to be on my breast. It was exhausting, and all I wanted to do was quit. I felt guilty for feeling this way, but the fact that I had to nap while my husband held him up to my chest to feed was too much to handle. I hated that feedings didn’t feel like a beautiful experience but more like a chore that I dreaded. At his first wellness visit, we found out that my son had lost a bit more weight than average. He had no problem latching, but unbeknown to me, I just wasn’t producing. The lactation consultant suggested feeding him a bottle of formula right away since he was so hungry, and we never looked back. But now, four months later, I still get hit with massive amounts of guilt for not sticking it out or trying harder. But the truth is, my baby is totally healthy, hitting all his milestones, growing right on schedule, and our bond is unreal. While I still wish at times that I could breastfeed, he’s doing great, and that’s all that matters.” —Stephanie Montes, Founder of Nue and Fashion and Beauty Editor
It’s Okay To Ask For Help
“I’ve always been the type to say “yes” to everything and figure out the logistics later. I feel good when I’m excelling at work, my house is clean, and I have time to do things for myself (like try a new face mask and catch up with my friends). When I can check all of my boxes myself, I feel amazing. When I can’t, I can become overwhelmed and feel super anxious. Well, it’s impossible to check all your boxes as a mom. With a full-time job and a business on the side, there are days that I have to choose between showering and making breakfast. And while COVID forced my husband and me to do it all ourselves for the first couple of months, our baby has finally met his grandparents, who are always willing to babysit. However, I got so used to rearranging my schedule to be with my son while my husband was at work, then handing him off to work into the early hours of the morning just to get by without outside help. I thought I was handling it all quite well. I wasn’t. After relinquishing some control, I allowed my son to spend the day with his grandma while I focused on work. I buckled down and got so much done that my husband, myself, and the baby had the whole evening to relax together. He now goes to grandma’s once or twice per week, and we spend so much more quality time together.” — Stephanie Montes
Babies Don’t Need Much
“I went crazy buying cute clothes, stuffed animals, cozy blankets, baby shoes, and so much more. Babies don’t need a whole lot of material things. Some first-aid items, bottles, diapers, and a few other essentials are really all you need. They grow out of everything so quickly, and newborns cannot grip toys for a while anyway. Save your money, save some space, and focus on spoiling your baby with lots of kisses and cuddles. That’s truly all they need.” —Stephanie Montes
Don’t Get Caught Up In Your Birthing Expectations, Because Things Can Change
“It’s okay to let go of the perfect birth you had in mind — and it’s not your fault when it doesn’t come to fruition.” —Marissa G. Muller, Culture and Lifestyle Editor
Ask Your Doctors For A List Of Prenatal Resources
“I also wish I knew that some pelvic floor therapists offer prenatal coaching to help you learn how to push before you deliver, which not enough doctors recommend.” —Marissa G. Muller
