What are your views on porn? In the midst of a sexual wellness revolution, porn is still a pretty taboo subject. Even reading the word porn might spark some guilt. It’s THAT powerful. Powerful enough that celebrities like Billie Eilish and Pamela Anderson have spoken up about some of porn’s detrimental effects. There’s no doubt pornography has had a checkered reputation and past, so when we look to the future of sex and tech — is there space for it to redeem itself? How can we use porn as a tool for pleasure?
My relationship with porn has always been fairly conservative. As a 90s kid, I remember going to the web address www.foxes.com hoping to find information about the animal for a class project. Instead, I was mortified to see images of provocative women doing things I had never seen before. My first instinct was that I would be in trouble (this was one of my first associations of sexuality with shame), and I tried to erase the browser history (unsuccessfully). Luckily my parents never brought it up, but the fact that I can still feel the horror of my 8-year-old self stumbling across erotica speaks volumes to the negative stereotypes that accompany porn.
After I made my sexual debut (no one calls it losing your virginity because virginity is a social construct!), I turned to porn, not for pleasure but education. It was my goal to be successful in bed because, in my mind, being good in bed was a desirable trait as a romantic partner. Porn became my school for all things sexuality because I didn’t have access to inclusive sex education. And while I’m grateful to have learned tips and tricks from some of the best (shout out Asa Akira and Sasha Grey), I also noticed that I absorbed some of the performative elements of porn (moaning, catering to male pleasure, etc.) which I had to unlearn later in my sex life as I began to reclaim my own pleasure. Like any form of media consumption, I learned to take what I saw in porn with a grain of salt. What happens in movies doesn’t (necessarily) happen in real life.
I’ve always appreciated porn as an outlet for my curiosity. With sex being such a stigmatized topic (especially because I grew up religious), and with the limited resources for proper sex education that were available at the time (did I mention I grew up in Idaho…), porn was there for me to experiment with my desires as a young adult. It was also empowering to see women in authoritative roles asking for (and sometimes demanding) their needs to be met. Now that I’m reflecting on it, watching porn was probably my first introduction to what communication in a sex practice or with a sex partner looked like. Of course, not all content I was able to find did a great job of this, but looking back, I do appreciate some of the role modeling these actresses and actors did.
My biggest gripe with porn has always been that it takes me forever to scroll through and find content that was actually satisfying for me to watch. Historically, porn (and subsequently pleasure) has been centered around the cis-het male gaze, making it hard for folks who don’t share that identity to connect with the content. After all, representation in media is everything. But porn is changing — and in my opinion — becoming much more safe, inclusive, and even more educational by implementing practices like consent in their content.
During the sexual wellness revolution over the past few years, the ethical porn revolution has been born. Under the umbrella of wellness, folks have taken on a new perspective that embraces, honors, and empowers their sexuality. Sexual health is wealth! It’s a beautiful sight to see people let go of guilt and shame and prioritize their pleasure as a radical act of self-love and care. It would be extremely unfair not to include porn in this revolution, especially because we’ve all directly benefitted from sex workers in one way or another.
To get a better insight into the ins and outs of ethical porn and how we can use porn as a tool for pleasure, I interviewed Angie Rowntree, founder & director of Sssh.com.
What are your tips on how to have a healthy relationship with porn?
Angie Rowntree: A person can have a healthy relationship with porn in the same way one has a healthy relationship with any and all other forms of legal entertainment – as long as you can separate fantasy from reality, and porn is a fantasy – period. Porn is not indicative of most people’s real-life sexual abilities or practices. Remember these actors are professional “sexual athletes.” It’s their job.
If you want to watch porn with your partner, be sure that you are both on the same page and that you both consent to what you watch. Never judge or belittle each other’s fantasies or compare yourselves to the professional actors you are watching. Always respect your partner’s wishes, especially if they aren’t interested or comfortable with something. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
What got you interested in this field?
Rowntree: Back in the mid-’90s, my husband founded Wasteland.com, the first BDSM site on the web. At that time, I noticed that there were almost no films, photos or other content aimed at women as consumers and almost nothing from a woman’s perspective. Everything was geared towards a male point of view, men’s fantasies, and depictions of male pleasure, with very little or nothing for us. Where was the female pleasure or, better yet, the mutual pleasure? I wanted to change that. Now, obviously, not all women are the same. There’s no singular women’s viewpoint that exists. But women and porn weren’t even considered from that broad, over-generalized place back in those days.
In 1998, someone told me (at an adult industry trade show) that there was no market for porn made for women. Women were not visual, nor did they enjoy porn, and they would never pay for it. They were wrong.
Today we are the longest-running site geared towards women on the web.
What is ethical porn?
Rowntree: Ethical porn is not a film style. It’s a way of doing business, and its importance is ultimately self-evident. To me, it stands for full transparency, agency, open communication, consent, fair pay, safe working conditions, inclusivity and respect. It can also allow actors to choose who they wish to work with. Ethical Porn also avoids using tropes and stereotypes in its marketing. These are just some of the elements of ethical porn — it’s important to understand that each studio defines ethical practices differently and just because someone does not identify as an “ethical studio” does not mean they aren’t.
As an example, in addition to what’s listed above, Sssh.com is also a very collaborative studio. I believe this greatly enhances our storylines, character development, and how sex is portrayed in our movies. We also try to work with real-life couples as much as possible and we are always open to how we can do better.
What trends have you seen in porn since the pandemic?
Rowntree: The following is based on our survey results, which have been continually running for 23 years as of 2022. Since the pandemic, we’ve seen audiences moving in an increasingly escapist direction: they want less violence, immersive worlds, and a little taste of the “forbidden” — whether it’s forbidden love or voyeurism.
Tips for beginners looking to explore ethical porn?
Rowntree: Thanks to the Internet, it is now easier than ever to connect with ethical adult studios like Sssh.com or even independent content creators. Some of the search terms you might want to try are ‘porn for women’, ‘ethical porn’, ‘feminist porn’, or ‘sex-positive porn’.
As far as what a consumer can look for, some of the qualities of ethical porn include (but are not limited to): do you have to pay for your porn? How does the site describe itself, and how does it describe the performers? Does the site tell you anything about the director/founders? Does the site seem like an inclusive, respectful space?
How have you seen porn change? What is emerging?
Rowntree: In over 23 years of doing business, I’m happy to see that porn and adult spaces, in general, have become much more inclusive. Performers have the opportunity now more than ever to create their own content and be in charge of their own business; in other words, adult film actors are not just “talent,” they are entrepreneurs.
The adult industry has always been a relatively diverse space, especially compared to mainstream media, but with the production and distribution channels evolving to allow more creator autonomy, the playing field is more equitable — which lends itself to greater diversity and creativity.
What I feel is really “emerging” is technology. When we first started, we were on dial-up, and you could serve Thanksgiving dinner while one photo downloaded. Today, consumers have 4K videos able to stream seamlessly. From virtual worlds and VR to the emerging metaverse and AI, adult entertainment is always evolving. In the last year, Sssh.com has released a new video viewing platform, Soirée, which was developed in-house, that allows people to combine porn and intimacy like never before. Born out of pandemic lockdowns, Soirée lets a member and a guest connect from anywhere and privately view Sssh.com content while simultaneously video chatting in real-time. Think of it as an elevated watch party with unlimited ways to connect and explore together.
If my partner watches porn, is that considered cheating? What’s a new perspective we should have on porn?
Rowntree: To answer the first question: that is subjective and depends on the individuals involved in the relationship and whatever they have negotiated; it is not for us to say one way or the other.
As far as perspective goes: Porn is here to stay, but like everything else in society, it is up to each individual person to determine what place it has in our lives and be ok with their choices.
What are the empowering aspects of porn? What does your Sssh.com platform offer women?
Rowntree: Porn can be empowering in as far as it allows a person to explore their sexuality and desires without pretense. It can put us in charge of our own pleasure.
For starters, at Sssh.com, we don’t put female sexuality in a box, so you’ll find a wide variety of erotic content for various tastes and moods — and we continually listen to our members, so Sssh.com is always growing and evolving. Our films are cinematic with compelling and complex stories and revolve around strong female characters. The sex carries the story forward; it’s not the story. Our sex scenes are filled with chemistry, passion and mutual pleasure.
Our movies are our foundation; however, we also offer guided masturbation, erotic stories, audio content, ASMR, and articles and videos on various sexual wellness topics. We also have sex toy reviews, suggested movie/sex toy pairings, the “Ask a Man” panel, and “Sssh Members Share” where members submit stories and anecdotes on different topics ranging from aftercare to their favorite self-pleasure techniques.
If you’re in the mood for “emerging technology” we have a virtual world to explore, and of course, Sssh Soirée if you want to invite a friend. Bottom line: everything that exists on Sssh.com is there because members have requested it, and 76% of our members are women.
Why is having a women’s point of view so important in porn?
Rowntree: Because we are one half of the human race…and we are also sexual beings who deserve the right to influence, enjoy and explore adult entertainment and sexuality in our individual ways — just as men do.
