Sunday Edit
x
Sign Up!
  • Beauty
    • Skincare
    • Hair
    • Makeup
    • Nails
  • Wellness
    • Mental Health
    • Health
    • Holistic & Spiritual
    • Love
    • Sex
  • Lifestyle
    • Home
    • Sustainability
    • Culture
    • Fashion
    • Travel
    • Gifts
  • Shop
  • About Us
Winter days. Woman Using Her Phone On The Beach.
BonninStudio/Stocksy

Wellness » Mental Health

Coping With Friendship Ghosting

Elizabeth Bennett
Elizabeth Bennett
December 8, 2020

We have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime,’ the phrase goes but sometimes these friendships don’t end in the best possible way. You may have heard the word ‘ghosting’ used to talk about romantic partners disappearing off the face of the earth without even a text but friends choosing to cease all communication without explanation happens too.

“In today’s society, ghosting in friendships is very common,” Consultant Psychologist Dr. Elena Touroni notes. It’s natural for some friendships to naturally fizzle but an abrupt ending normally comes down to two factors. “It’s normally a fear of confrontation and lack of self-awareness,” Performance and Confidence Coach Olivia James highlights.

It’s an upsetting and painful experience but one that can be processed. In fact, in the long run, it can improve our friendships and strengthen our boundaries.

Why does it hurt so bad?

Senior Woman And Her Daughter Enjoying The Nature In Winter.

Much like romantic ghosting, a friendship rejection can really hurt. It’s a form of trauma and it takes time to grieve and process this loss. It stings hard because a friendship ghosting makes us question ourselves and what we have to offer. “We gain a lot of self-esteem from our friendships because they make us feel likable and loved. When there is a rejection, we question that,” Dr. Touroni explains.

It can also reactivate past psychological wounds. “It plays on the inner critic we all have,” James explained. “For example, the voice in our head which says: ‘I knew I was no good, they have confirmed it’”. “It can really knock our confidence and bring up feelings of unworthiness and shame,” she adds. Plus, it can raise feelings of resentment and betrayal, both difficult emotions to process and let go of.

When a friend seemingly disappears into thin air, it’s normal to go over and over in your head about what might have caused it. “Rumination can drive us mad,” James says.

How to respond

If a friend disappears without any explanation, the default is often to send an angry or emotional message. However, this will never help the situation. It’s better to take the high road. “Try to come from a place of self-respect,” Touroni suggests. “Make sure you don’t come across as pushy, but rather tap into the thoughtful side of you that wants to understand what happened,” she adds.

If you are struggling to contact a friend or they haven’t responded to a string of messages over a long period, you could try one last message giving your friend a chance to respond. James advises approaching them from a point of neutrality, naming the pattern you have noticed and asking the question. She gives the example of a simple message along the lines of: “I haven’t heard from you for a while and wondered if you wanted to keep this friendship going.”

Cropped image of two women crossing little fingers.

If the silence continues, you need to respect their decision and make peace with it. “Remember however close you were to this person, you never really know what is going on in someone’s life,” Thomas says. Importantly, you must try and not take it personally. “Remind yourself that just because someone has made this decision, it doesn’t mean anything about you as a person,” Tourini concurs.

It can be easy to over analyse why this has happened, but like at the end of a romantic break-up, it is often hard to get to the bottom of what really went wrong. “Try and get to a place where you’re OK with not knowing,” Thomas says.  “People have all sorts of reasons for making decisions, and are influenced by all kinds of experiences, emotions and difficulties,” Tourini adds.

Use this time to reevaluate your views on friendships

Instead of wallowing, try and pour your energy into other friends in your life. “Meet your need for connection by reaching out to people in your life that care about you and help you feel important,” Tourini says.

A friendship ghosting is a good point to also take a step back and consider what is important to you in your friendships and consider what you want in a friend moving forward. While you may be hurting from the rejection of being ghosted by a friend, it may transpire with a time that the friend was not necessarily well suited to serving your needs.

Let go and gain closure

Psychotherapy, mental problem or depression treatment concept. Vector illustration of sad girl talking with psychologist. Psychology doctor looking for the key to locked mind of patient. Woman issues.

Talking to someone — a therapist or friend separate from the situation — can help you process the experience. Saying the feelings out loud can help slow the spinning in your head. Journaling about your feelings — scribbling out how you feel — may also help.

It’s important not to dwell too much on it. “There are certain situations in life that you just can’t change, so by accepting them for what they are, we can gain some closure,” Tourina says.

“Be wary of any behaviors you may be doing which could be keeping the drama alive. Maybe you’re overthinking the situation or discussing it over and over again. At some point, you need to decide to draw a line under it and let it go,” she adds.

Wellness Mental Health

Your Sunday Edit

bringing only the best to your inbox

Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Most Popular

How to Design a Stylish Home With Pets in Mind

A Linguist Breaks Down the Cringey Corporate Language We Can’t Stop Meme-ing

The A-Z’s of Black Hair

Read More
Social Media Etiquette — From DMs to Read Receipts

Social Media Etiquette — From DMs to Read Receipts

By
5 Apps For Staying Connected While Social Distancing

5 Apps For Staying Connected While Social Distancing

By
Toxic People Are Not Just a Social Media Trend

Toxic People Are Not Just a Social Media Trend

By
Five Book Recommendations For Social Distancing

Five Book Recommendations For Social Distancing

By
by
  • Beauty
  • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
  • Shop
  • About Us
  • Terms + Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • California Privacy Notice
  • Contact Us
Bringing only the best to your inbox.
© 2021 Sunday Edit

We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience on our site. By continuing to use our site, you accept the use of cookies. Learn more here

Privacy Overview
Sunday Edit

This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful.

Strictly Necessary Cookies

Strictly Necessary Cookie should be enabled at all times so that we can save your preferences for cookie settings.

Powered by  GDPR Cookie Compliance
heart-envelope-email

Your Sunday Edit

bringing only the best to your inbox
No thank you!

Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy